As I circle, I see my home surrounded in white and ice, walkways indented with the weak heat from winter boots. Most of my friends in the barn survived, except for nutmeg the goat and one poor hen who I named Promise. She passed, and the goat, who was never really healthy, found dead on her side, bloated, dragged to the car for a drive up to the top of the mountain, and thrown over a steep slope, for the coyotes and crows, a sky burial. On the other hand, 2016 took too many young people, took old people famous for their talents.
Now I have purposely resigned from social media, because the daily outrage from the White House is too much to bear and discuss. We are struggling in a dark time, all of the people on the Earth, it is hard to find a reason to be happy. I went to Washington DC and huddled and moved slowly and powerfully with close to a million, mostly female, people.We were there out of a need to be seen with others, to press our numbers to the world saying NO, we may be called Americans but we are not America as you may think of us now. we are not with those who elected a despot, a flaming tacky cruel unsophisticated rich Baron, does not speak for who we are as a collective group.
I had to turn off the radio on the way to the store, because it was telling the story of refugees from Syria who the city of Rutland were expecting with open arms, they will not come now. They are in something worse than purgatory, I imagine.
My thoughts turn to hoping someone from the CIA will do a dark deed, and thinking that way is a sin, and , yes, I believe that sin exists and that there is a moral code of ethics humans on earth are supposed to follow, because when we do not, we are a dangerous evil entity. Thous shalt not kill is a plain and simple commandment.
In the local store, the New England Bodega, I walked into a scene where one man was screaming at another, and the other sounded as though he was screaming back with tears in his voice. It was about politics, one of the men turned to me and used me as an example of a person who lived through the sixties, through the horrible wars and pollution and racism. It was an example of one informed intelligent man who was besides himself with rage at who the President is now, and one ignorant not particularly intelligent shop keeper who had voted for trump. It was as ugly as America is now.
The big fact is that I do not know what to do except to study scripture and try to believe in God’s endless mercy for Gods creations. And pray and pray and pray and fast and be gentle and hide, yes, i want to hide. That is why i am staying away from social media. I am tired and worn from the endless political discussions, and I find any other subject to be trivial and ignorant.
It is the end of January , and the winter in Vermont is the only evidence we need to attest that climate change is here. While those of us in the North are enjoying having our fuel, our wood that we heat our homes with, not depleted at all, I know that it is not a good thing for many others. we may adjust, because one of Gods gifts is that humans are adaptable, so far.
This is not an exercise in writing, it is an update from my last post. All I know is that the only thing that will make any change for the good seems to be lost, and I do not know for how long. I am 66 going on 67 and the fight no longer strengthens me, it weakens me. Icicles hang off the bird feeders, ashes need to be spread, and I must go and work now, I have to drive to Hanover with a disturbed man, so he can get his check up. I have used the Jesus prayer a lot, it is my Mantra.
Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have Mercy on Me, A sinner.